merkuriusupplevelsen

I wake up in the morning sun,
turn to my side and I sigh.
Why do I have to get up today?
It will be just as pointless as yesterday.
I slowly turn to realize I won't fall back to sleep.
So I swing my legs off the bed and stand up.
"I need to start cleaning the room."
I think to myself, in the morning gloom.
I pass the kitchen sink where yesterdays pots and pans are still unwashed.
Into the bathroom and for once I actually look at myself in the mirror.
The hair is, as always, in a complete mess. Curls fighting over who gets to wrap the most volume.
The beard is under control but not very well groomed.
Underneath the eyes are as always tired lines and a dark area.
For some reason I can't seem to actually look in my own eyes.
I'm really not sure why.
Or well. I know why, but the reasons are just so many.
The redness in them from too much worry and tears?
The guilt and blame that surely will be my downfall someday?
Perhaps it's just the emptiness of energy in them.
Watching and alive. But without any real joy.
I manage to, with willpower, force a smile to appear on my lips.
"That will have to do for the day.
As long as no one looks me in the eyes I will be fine.
As long as I stay busy so I don't think of it all....
I think I'll take a moment on the bathroom floor.
And just miss you a little bit more."
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